Mummy, isn't it true that.....

'Mummy, isn't it true that six babies have died in your tummy?'

Pineapple asked while visiting me in hospital this afternoon, delighted to be with her big sis, who is over from England.

Big Sis gasped, her eyes wide open.

A few weeks before you were born, Matt, and before we realised the sadness that would come in the next few weeks, we thought the challenge would be to help Pineapple adjust to not being an 'only child' after you arrived. Having a Big Sis who visits and spoils her is lovely, but not the same as a full-time baby. We let her know that she was very loved, and that we had waited a long time for her, that there had even been a few babies that had not made it - just to emphasise she was special. If I kick myself now for telling her, I have to remind myself that she heard this story anyway in the consulting room a few weeks later. It has stuck with her, but today was the first time I have heard her do the maths.

'Yes, but it wasn't six, it was five sweetie, and some were very little' .

I don't think their size in anyway diminishes the losses, I was just looking to take out some of the sting. For me, for everyone.

'But I was.... I was ok! .... I think its because I didn't move much' she pondered.

'Oh you moved plenty - especially your mouth' her Dad said.

Pineapple was notable for 'talking' through all her scans. The technology of scanning allows such an early insight into the soul being carried, at least in my sample of one. This child has a lot to say.

'Yes - you managed it, you were ok, that was really clever!' I said and shook her hand. We had a laugh. But I do share her trouble in understanding this all.

Thankfully, with perfect timing, a midwife popped in to listen to the baby's heartbeat. We all listened together. Baby is just fine.

Big sis said the beat of the heart and the interference sounded like the intro to a dance track she liked - 'Two Receivers' by the Klaxons. I listened later and agreed.

It was a sweet moment, and I hope so much it will be a better memory for both of them. These two do not need any more exposure to the impact of babyloss. For them, I pray for some better experiences and associations.